The world is at a pivotal turning point right now. With many of us fearing the world that our children will grow up in.
Yet it's hard to ignore that many of the world's biggest problems are created and led by men—war, violence, abuse, power struggles, greed.
And yet, men are also in crisis.
They are more likely to struggle with addiction, die by suicide, be involved in violent crime, and fill our prisons. This is not an anti-men piece—these are hard-to-face statistics and realities.
So it begs the question…
What is the most important job in the world right now?
I have five boys. I know… it's a bit OTT.
Not quite sure how that happened—we're clearly slow learners. Or perhaps we just needed a TV!
But as Mother's Day approaches here in New Zealand, I've been reflecting.
Motherhood is more than flowers, chocolate (yes please), and a card telling you you're the best mum in the world.
There's not a day that passes where I don't think about the long-term impact of how I'm raising my boys.
Will they have healthy relationships? Make good choices? The courage to stand up for what matters? Or will they struggle—and contribute to the very problems we see in the world?
For a long time, girls were the focus of concern.
And rightly so. Over recent decades, we've poured energy into building their confidence—and it's working.
Girls today are often confident, capable, and achieving highly—outperforming boys in many areas, especially at school.
But our boys? More are disengaging. Falling behind. Struggling.
And yet—men still dominate leadership.
Globally, men hold the majority of political, corporate, and economic power. They are the leaders, decision-makers, and influencers shaping our world.
So while boys may be struggling… they are still growing into the men who will lead.
Which makes this clear: how we raise boys matters enormously.
Not raising boys who end up overcompensating for their inadequacies by needing to be seen as powerful and significant. Men driven by their ego.
But raising boys who become grounded, capable, and self-aware men. Men who lead with integrity. Who can be strong without overpowering. Who use their natural drive to build, protect, and solve problems in ways that benefit others.
So How Do We Raise Boys Like This?
Not by controlling them. Nor by giving them complete freedom. And definitely not through over-protection.
Boys need space to explore, take risks, fail, and figure things out for themselves. They need to feel capable.
And they also need structure.
Without it, the world feels unpredictable and unsafe. It's like driving on a four-lane highway with no road markings—you're constantly guessing what everyone else is going to do. It creates anxiety which can lead to aggressiveness or withdrawal.
But with clear lines and boundaries? You feel safe. You can move forward with confidence and direction.
Where Are We Going Wrong?
Parenting can swing between extremes.
Too Few Boundaries
When boundaries are weak, inconsistent, or non-existent—often because parents want to avoid conflict or being disliked by their children—boys don't learn limits.
This permissive style of parenting can grow men who feel entitled, lack accountability, and struggle with respect. These men don't make strong partners, bosses, or leaders.
Too Much Control
On the other end, overly controlling or rigid parenting—high expectations, criticism, punishment-based discipline—can create anxious, fearful boys who lack confidence and don't know how to stand up for themselves or others.
Or it can lead to the opposite: boys who rebel, who seek power and control in unhealthy, destructive ways, who take risks to prove themselves.
Rarely does it produce balanced, healthy men. When those boys grow into positions of influence, the impact is far greater—as we are seeing in the world right now.
Over-Mothered, Under-Fathered
When everything is done for boys—when they are overprotected, micromanaged, or smothered—they can grow into men who expect others to do it for them.
They lack motivation, are quick to blame, and avoid responsibility. Relationships are unlikely to last, both at home and in the workplace.
Our job is to be the road markings, but allow them the freedom to drive where they want to.
What DO Boys Need?
Emotional Strength Matters
There is a long-standing myth that boys who cry become weak men. But the opposite is often true.
Boys who are conditioned to suppress emotion can grow into men who struggle with connection, empathy, and self-awareness. And that doesn't just affect them—it affects everyone around them.
Early Connection Is Essential
Research shows that boys are particularly sensitive to early separation and disconnection, especially from their mothers. Connection builds security. And security builds resilience.
When that bond is disrupted too early—for example, by being in a society that encourages separation at an early age into daycare institutions—it can increase anxiety, behavioural challenges, and emotional shutdown.
Ask almost any teacher: challenging behaviour is a growing issue, especially among boys.
Boys Need Men
In many families and early childhood settings, boys spend most of their early years around women. Boys also need strong, positive male role models.
So as mothers, if their father is present, we need to let dads be dads.
When we hover, correct, or control how fathers parent by expecting them to do it our way, we can unintentionally stop them from being exactly who their sons need.
Many dads tend to parent differently—often more physical, risk-based, and challenging. That's not wrong. That's valuable.
Many boys benefit from parenting that encourages challenge, independence, physicality, and healthy risk-taking. If biological fathers aren't present, then finding positive male role models—through sport, mentoring, or community—becomes even more important.
This Isn't About Blame
Yes—men dominate many of the statistics when it comes to power, wealth, violence, and harm. And the balance of males and females in positions of power is changing. Slowly.
This isn't about blaming men. It's about recognising this: boys grow into the men who shape our world. And how we raise them matters. Really matters.
And for Mothers of Girls…
Your role matters just as much.
Raising girls who grow into women who are strong, capable, and lead in their own way. Who are able to give and receive love, rather than becoming so ultra-independent that they disempower their partners. Who are grounded in their values. Who hold boundaries so they are not walked over or taken advantage of. And who are unwilling to accept anything less than respect.
This is equally important in establishing balance.
So This Mother's Day…
Let's go beyond flowers and cards.
Let's honour the deeper role of motherhood and parenting.
Because we are not just raising children. We are shaping the future of relationships, leadership, and the world our children will live in.
And that is exactly why it may be the most important job in the world right now.
Katie Oliver Helping parents raise emotionally resilient children through connection, awareness, and being in nature. Founder of True in Nature [email protected]